“I’m sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody.” (elephantjournal)
I’ve always struggled with comparing myself to other people and feeling inferior. I get insecure and lonely and want someone to give me attention and tell me I’m good enough. But I’m not brave enough to be myself and ask for what I want. I’m quiet, reserved, and generally come across as independent (I don’t want anyone to think I need them). So when I see other people who are louder, more confident, or needier, getting attention, I start thinking that maybe I need to change. Maybe if I was more like this person I would have guys asking me out on dates, or if I was more like that person I would always get what I want. I start to feel overshadowed, outshone, by everyone around me. I must have to burn brighter, louder, hotter, than everyone to get that attention and affirmation.
But how incredibly shallow is that. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve felt that way. But I think everyone has been there at some point, and I can’t move past it unless I talk about it.
I can tell you that true connection is so much more than just the physical and surface level interactions, and the right people will appreciate you for exactly who you are. But ultimately we don’t need anyone to appreciate us to be perfectly ok with who we are.
I am learning to be alone and be ok with that, knowing that all the love and affirmation I need comes from someplace within me, not from without. I am learning to be truly independent and not care what people think. I am learning to be my true self and not put on masks or try to be anything I’m not. I am learning to have the courage to be an “absolute nobody”: I will be myself and not give a shit if I’m a somebody or a nobody to anyone.
“Stop judging and evaluating yourself, for this is not your role. Above all stop comparing yourself with other people. This produces feelings of pride or inferiority, sometimes a mixture of both. [God] leads [His] children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her. Comparing is not only wrong; it is also meaningless. Don’t look for affirmation in the wrong places: your own evaluations or those of other people. The only source of real affirmation is [God’s] unconditional Love.”
(Jesus Calling)
Have respect and appreciation for who you are, for who God created you to be. You wouldn’t be here if the Universe didn’t need you. It needs you to be fundamentally, unapologetically you. Let go of fear and judgments and preconceived ideas of who you should be. Be openminded. Take the time to be alone and discover who you truly are. Relax. Exist.
