Peace.

Sometimes I am completely blown away by how blessed I am.

I tend to be a bit of a pessimist and focus on the hard, painful things in my life, and the times I feel sad, hurt, angry, lost, or confused. I realized recently that there haven't been many times in the past few years (or maybe in my entire life) that I have truly felt peace and joy. Yes, I can plaster on a cheerful face, and obviously there have been lots of times when I've been happy. But that overwhelming feeling of peace and security has not been present very often.

Recently, however, I've been realizing just how incredible God is and just how much he has blessed me. Yes, I'm still a pessimistic a lot. But I'm learning to feel the peace and thankfulness along with the other things. I have never felt this loved and secure. Even though there are things in my life right now that are terrifying and that I'm not in control of, and difficult decisions to make, and past and present pain and hurt to deal with, I feel at peace. That doesn't mean that I don't still feel the pain and don't feel scared and stressed. Just today, as I am writing this, I received a letter that reminded me I have a really hard decision to make, and I had a conversation that left me hurting and confused. But those feelings aren't so utterly consuming anymore. I can acknowledge that they're there and are very real and legitimate, but not let them block out the good things in my life.

Even amidst pain or stress, there's an underlying peace. I am truly joyful. I have been been thanking God for the blessings in my life, not because it's part of some prayer checklist or because I think I should be thankful, but because my heart is bursting with thankfulness. I'm blown away by how much God loves me and has blessed me.

I'm learning to focus more on the good. I'm letting myself feel God's peace. And it's wonderful.

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." ~ John 14:27

Love,
Amanda